All I want

I wouldn't say I'm irresponsible but sometimes I just follow exactly how I feel rather than doing what I know I should. I'd like to think that those rash choices lead to the best possible outcomes but there is no way of knowing that for certain. I woke up after only one hit of the snooze button to get ready to attend my one obligation of the week. Every piece of me rebelled as I brushed my teeth. What had started out as an amusing way to use my time for a good cause had become something I no longer looked forward to anymore. Although some may disagree with this belief, I can rarely hold a position that I don't enjoy. I've learned ways to entertain myself through mundane activities (singing, making up back-stories for the strangers I see, etc.) but when it becomes unbearable I feel no guilt in leaving because it always feels right. I was in my own reality on the subway, grooving to an extraordinary playlist provided by an apparently mood-sensing shuffle on my ipod, when I could swear it stopped at the same station twice. If there were two 42nd St-Times Squares, I don't really think that the city could handle it. It was strange but it's almost becoming a common thought in my mind that when I know I'm awake, I could maybe be dreaming and some of the worst dreams are the ones where you are at work. I got to my destination 20 minutes early so I decided to waste some time walking around and exploring the area I'm not familiar with. In that short time, I'd gotten surprisingly far away so in an instant I made the decision not to turn back, but keep walking. With no real destination, I leisurely strolled, looking around at designer stores and cafes. I had intended to go to a certain park but accidentally came to another first. Entering, I saw a group of men seated in a circle with their carts and large bags together and they looked as if they were planning a game, maybe chess. Directly to the left of the group was a police officer casually leaning against a fence, glancing in their direction often without staring. It must take months of police academy to master that skill. I continued to walk, for this section was mostly empty and desolate, not at all what I was longing for. The path opened up and suddenly there was a massive fountain in my view. I had been on a journey for something beautiful. A few people were sitting inside of the basin of the fountain (there were parts that were dry) but I sat in a bench in the shade between an older man and a teenage boy. The Dead and then Joni Mitchell played in the background of my thoughts. Two small boys both dressed in superman costumes rode their bicycles with the training wheels still on. Even the superheroes needed to stop every once in a while to get a snack from a mom's purse full of necessities. A grandmother pushed a carriage in my direction and I looked down at the child. Her eyes met mine and she flashed an innocent, unembarrassed huge gummy directly at me. I smiled back and thought 'shouldn't every interaction with a human be this pure?'. Seconds later, a woman pushed an elderly man past me in a wheelchair. His eyes were looking upward, wide and almost straining to take in each countless leaf of every tree surrounding us with an unflinching grin plastered on his face.